It isn’t working …

I have to document the hard times too. I think I’m three weeks into my “step one” now and feel like I have scuppered all my plans. It takes one poor decision and I tend to spiral out of control. The thoughts I am having include… urgh just stop and restart again in the summer holidays… stop being interested in losing weight, it is an anti-feminist ploy to keep women down…oh God just focus and get it done… just don’t eat tomorrow… start again tomorrow…it’s ok you can do this… you just can’t do this…

On repeat for several days.

But each time this happens, and it does – a lot. I learn something new. I know why I went off track today- the spinal consultant called and scared me, because they had to talk to me urgently. That’s why I had to get a Chinese takeaway today. Yesterday was celebrating end of school approaching day and we had Dominos at work. I have the most enormous birthday cake known to man on the kitchen side, that needs eating, so I’ve been doing that since Saturday. I’m in pain all the time, that’s getting to be a boring excuse. I haven’t planned any meals or ordered food, so my cupboards are bare. A million other things are out of my control and I am just so tired.

What will I do?

Get up and try again tomorrow I suppose. I’ll keep you posted.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s